WSL West Coast Conference 2023 - Kelly Bell - Battling Insecurities in Ministry

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[00:00:11] Hi and welcome to When She Leads, a podcast for Women in Ministry. In this episode we are releasing one of our breakout sessions from our 2023 EQUIPped Frey Purpose Conference. I pray it encourages you.

[00:00:28] Hello, welcome to The Class on Insecurities. My name is Kelly Bell, I'm from Calvin, Mirrietta, just down the street and I'm happy that you are in here with us today. Notice the title is Battling Insecurities. It's not, I battled and I've won. It's a, I feel like it can be a continual battle. Maybe for some of us more than others but, um, and her message is half my message.

[00:00:54] When she was talking this morning, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm saying that. I'm saying that. So, I'm not copying her. It's in my notes. I'm insecure about it. To tell you, but I'm choosing to not be insecure that she taught my whole message.

[00:01:09] But I'm choosing to look at it as validation of that is something that we need to hear because I went to our board and said this topic.

[00:01:18] I battled with it a lot but I think it could be a thing that many women do and I really think we need to teach it. We didn't know her exact. Here's the scene, but exactly what she's in talk about. So when she was talking about it, I thought, oh, you know, your face is smiling like this is great and inside you're like, oh, and then I just thought no, that's just validating right? So I'm going to choose to look at it like that. So, um,

[00:01:45] okay, recently I'm going to pray in a minute, but recently I was reading a new edition of Simple Magazine. You guys read that like when you're waiting for airplane or getting your hair done on whatever and there was an article in the last one and it talked about irrational fears.

[00:02:02] And at first I thought, you know, I'm not really, oh, and talked about phobias too. And I thought, I'm not really a phobia girl. Like I struggle with the kind of weird things but I don't have a huge amount of, well, I guess no one thinks their fears are irrational, but I don't consider mine irrational which a phobia is a irrational fear of or an aversion to something.

[00:02:23] And some of the phobias that were submitted by readers were bees. Okay, I do have that one. I don't like bees balloons down escalators. Maybe some of you had these pigeons.

[00:02:35] Masked got like school mascots. That's kind of funny. And my favorite was getting lost in an underwater cave while school diving and the reader who submitted it doesn't even school but I.

[00:02:47] So they have this huge phobia and fear of that and they don't even do it. So I thought that was really funny and at first I just read through it and shrugged it off thinking again, I'm not really a phobia girl.

[00:02:58] But as I sat down to work on this study and pray through it, I began to examine my own insecurities, right? Since I just want to talk about.

[00:03:07] On the one's I've dealt with over the years of ministry and maybe both passed in present my husband and I have been in ministry almost 40 years. 38 at the same church down the street and so.

[00:03:19] Did I say something funny? Like that I said together, why are we laughing now? I'm really insecure about it. It doesn't matter. I'm going to say that the whole time.

[00:03:27] But then I realized that what I call insecurities can easily be considered fears, right? I don't call them insecurities or fears but.

[00:03:37] All that I'm not good enough gifted enough like she talked about pretty enough smart enough and every other not enough that we can think of is really a fear of not being liked accepted, well-gummed or feel like you belong, right?

[00:03:53] And I can call them insecurities or whatever but at the core. They also are fears and both of those are involved are putting our eyes on ourselves instead of the Lord, right?

[00:04:09] I mean that's where it all boils down to and I began to realize that all the insecurities that I have that I could talk about, the answer about what we do and how we handle them really is the same.

[00:04:20] So we're going to talk about this morning so let me open up with a word of prayer.

[00:04:28] Father, we come before you this morning and as we talk about the insecurities that we battle, maybe both personally and in ministry Lord I pray that you through your Holy Spirit would speak to us.

[00:04:41] Maybe I help us to identify some that we didn't even realize that we have but more importantly how to overcome those, how to move forward in ministry and learn to be obedient despite what we feel and the insecurities that we have and not allow those things to immobilize us or paralyze us from fulfilling your will for our lives.

[00:05:03] So I pray that you would have your way with us this morning and to use this name amen. Now I'm getting hot. I don't know about you guys, but so all of us I think face insecurity at some time and maybe some of you like me have struggled with it your whole life.

[00:05:21] Our ladies at my church right now, we're doing a book called Put Your Warrior Boots on by Lisa Whittle and I really love the book. She shares a lot about her fears and insecurities as well and she's a speaker and a writer and she recalls times where she's sitting like at an event like that getting ready to speak and everything that goes through her mind why am I here.

[00:05:46] I don't belong, I can't do this. You know, right you if that's why you're in here probably or you're not here you're here for a friend whatever and I'm just kidding but I you know I don't fit all the ladies here are dressed a certain way I'm not and you know they've got the wrong girl and then she talks about they leave her alone in a green room with her thoughts which just makes it worse because now that's all you have to think about asking why did you send me?

[00:06:16] I don't want to hear then the Lord put something on her heart that she's supposed to share that oh my gosh, I don't want to share this kind of heavy.

[00:06:23] I don't want to say that I want them to like me I want them to invite me back right I want them all these things I don't want to say this and he the Lord wins she does it anyways right despite her fears so she tells a lot of stories like that and every time she tells one I'm like oh my gosh that happens to me in one time I was invited to speak at a church it was years ago too.

[00:06:45] And the Lord had given me this really heavy message and you don't really want that's not really what you want right and I felt like that like oh this is this is a hard one this this one's going to hit us hard

[00:06:58] I don't have a lot of funny jokes. I really don't plan jokes, but I don't have like it's not light and so I'm going in there thinking okay Lord

[00:07:07] I know you gave me this I don't want to talk about this I don't even like this topic, but okay Lord. I'm doing it So the person who gets up to introduce me is saying all the stuff and then she has to say oh my gosh

[00:07:19] This lady is the funniest person that you've ever heard like she's saying that and I'm like sinking in my chair I'm so insecure right now. I have nothing funny to say and I didn't and I was never asked back so whatever

[00:07:33] But so all those things that she talks about I'm like oh my gosh, she talks about the thoughts and her mind before she goes speaks in a prison I had that my husband and I years ago did prison ministry. I have never been in prison

[00:07:48] I was a good little cat's a girl. I have never been in prison. All I know is about prison on TV and it's a scary place right?

[00:07:55] And so I remember thinking every time we'd be driving there and you had to wear blue in case there was a lockdown So I mean you couldn't wear blue in case there was a lockdown, so they know you from the person you know they tell you all

[00:08:05] I'm like oh my gosh, and I'm gonna sing I don't sing why am I gonna sing I don't sing anywhere But the the pastor and charge was making me sing was a mic with a mic and so I'm like total insecure

[00:08:19] So I just think it's so funny, but what I really think is funny on what God does to us Sometimes you can be very qualified in an area and he not tell you to do that

[00:08:32] And you can be so unqualified in an area and that's what he's called you to do Isn't that just amazing again? Like she talks about this morning. It's got in us

[00:08:43] I remember I was a PE major in college and love PE everything about PE never really wanted to be a PE teacher

[00:08:50] But I know that sounds like then why did you do it but there's a lot of other things you can do believe it or not with PE Well we started a school about 30 most of that 30 years ago this year 30 years ago

[00:09:01] We started a school on our campus and because I was the PE major and that made me look qualified Who did they pick to be the PE teacher and I'm thinking well they think I'm alright, right? Well, so they put me in that and it about three months

[00:09:17] I'm in the principal's office crying Hey, this why are you doing this and they're like well you're qualified But I hate it. It was so funny, but it was not God's place for me And soon someone came up someone came along and was able to fulfill that job

[00:09:32] And I got out of my contract and I'm like yes, but then I'm going into prison ministry to sing And you're like Lord what are you thinking? So it doesn't make sense all the time, right?

[00:09:42] It's God and it's like the one girl shared is not by our might or our power But by his spirit says the Lord and we have to remember that or else we will just freak out and I just think it's important

[00:09:56] And so many insecurities, again in ministry almost 40 years that that's as long as I've battled insecurities in ministry I've had him since I was a kid in every context you can think of it's like I carry around in my purse

[00:10:10] When I just pull about all this time, right? I mean it's anything And I don't know if it's partly and again part of this is identifying your own what makes you insecure

[00:10:21] We still are going to have to do we're going to have to do to get there but sometimes if you can see why you are I think it's helpful, but so it could be how I was brought up or how you were brought up

[00:10:31] Some things that happened in your past Some of my own insecurities resulted in some years of eating disorders which turned into mind games Which turned into mind patterns telling me I'm not enough pretty enough getting enough all the things that you can think

[00:10:47] And so a lot of my upbringing I think came there I learned to equate failure and success to my words That sounds so stupid when you say it out loud, right? But like you're good if you're doing good, you're bad if things aren't going that great

[00:11:04] The actions of others determined how I saw myself that became a yardstick to me I had a best friend from I went to a Catholic school growing up so you're with the same kids

[00:11:15] First grade through 12th grade and so my best friend her name was Julie and she was like the homecoming queen She was like dated the quarterback, you know she was that girl and I was like her sidekick So I was always like second

[00:11:29] Like I was just never good enough in my head and that was not a believer But so you just always felt second or not enough That's embarrassing to say but but it is the truth and continue to struggle with those things And got saved when I was 18

[00:11:46] The Lord called Brian and I in to a ministry when we were about 23 I think And honestly I think I just brought all those insecurities in with me because I didn't even really know who I was in Christ yet You know the Lord said put us

[00:12:04] Long story how we got into a pastory of church but we just said yes We didn't know what we were doing who we were what we were getting into and I think that was part of the Lord's plan

[00:12:12] Cause it's better sometimes not to know everything you're getting into But so many people pleasing patterns that I had built in my life just took over And I didn't really miss not to feel sorry for myself But I haven't even mentors

[00:12:28] I didn't have anybody modeling anything for me or saying Kelly we got to work this out Right I'm the 22 year old or 23 year old people are coming to asking you parenting advice And I don't even have any kids you know and so you're just seeking the Lord

[00:12:43] You know I don't have any kids I don't anything about parenting but I know the word And so I mean that's all we can do right And so I didn't even realize the issues that I had going into a ministry I'll just say

[00:12:56] Often time I was laughed at as an assistant pal, there's a wife I would work up the courage look I'm gonna cry I would work up the courage to say to someone else I think God is calling me some day to teach

[00:13:11] I don't know who or what and I was laughed at Most of the things I brought up I was laughed at And you know that's just weird and people like the one lady in the front line

[00:13:22] It's talked about when people are mad at the pastor they're mad at you You know and people are mad at the pastor a lot And and if you're a people please or that doesn't go over so big

[00:13:33] I think that's one of my hardest things still at all this time So my desire to earn acceptance drove me plus with a perfectionist type A kind of personality I'm sometimes surprised I lived through the early days A nurse friend of mine told me you definitely have PTSD

[00:13:52] I didn't even think I knew what that was at the time But I guess I did but in fact I can even Like I compare and then I know I shouldn't compare And so I know what to do about it

[00:14:05] But it's my first instinct and after all these years it's still my first instinct I can pray about it I know better tools I know the word I can you know pray and get my head in the right place But it's my instinct

[00:14:17] Even when she's like she says she has six kids I feel guilty that I only have two And then you're like okay what is going on here You know like that's more spiritual I only have two This is like stop it Like it's just dumb

[00:14:32] But that's what my head does And that's embarrassing I remember when the doctor told me I shouldn't have more because I had some issues I was almost relieved that I had something to blame it on That I wasn't my fault but I could only have two It's ridiculous

[00:14:48] But again as old as I am now I've learned some tools I've learned who I am and Christ More importantly I've learned better who God is And health's efficient he is And it doesn't mean I don't battle them again But I know what to do

[00:15:03] I know him, I trust him, I know some of my triggers I know what to do and how to encourage myself and find strength in him when I feel it But it took time, valuable time To learn how to obey no matter the cost

[00:15:18] No matter what I felt If I felt good about it, if I felt qualified If I felt I was the right one Whoever feels like they're the right one I guess if you do that's going to weird too That's a different workshop for you

[00:15:30] But I never feeling quipped or ready Or the right choice And I guess that goes down to never feeling enough And I think maybe I wonder if it's a battle that I always face And that's okay because it presses me into the Lord Because it's always

[00:15:49] But I know that he is enough And so constantly reminding myself And it's no surprise to God how I feel Right and what I battle And so where do these insecurities come from? What are the root? You know? Again, shape by our past experiences

[00:16:04] If as a child you were made to feel worthless And you're upbringing You know, I don't know you I don't know how but it affects your self-perception And how you see yourself for many years Fear, jealousy It could be a personality you're just born with

[00:16:19] You're wired like that It could be a learn to behave you Again, how you were treated growing up Or some abuse or something And if you never feel enough It colors how you see everything It really affects how you see anything You can be prone to anxiety

[00:16:37] Or self-doubt Perfectionism on met needs Rejection, betrayal, failure, abuse, sin, bitterness, anger All of that can contribute to that So how do these insecurities manifest themselves? Sometimes perfectionism Breathe in securities But sometimes insecurities Perfectionism because you're always trying Again, to be accepted or or stuff

[00:17:05] So a lot of times negative self-talk Increases themselves, criticism Self-doubt, self-judgment You can overcompensate and be a boastful person Sometimes the most loud, obnoxious, bold, bold person Are the most insecure people They're just trying to cover it Usually when I'm joking around about something

[00:17:28] It's because I'm usually pretty insecure about it It's just how you come back Now if I tell a joke, you're going to think I'm insecure now I'm insecure that I told you that But fear of failure Can make you insecure A lot of times if your insecure

[00:17:47] Social withdrawal or isolation Because you fear rejection A lot of times you don't want to do social things Because you have a fear, I don't know what to say I don't know what to talk about They'll think I'm weird, you know all those kind of things

[00:18:00] I know someone that actually has that It's a very big and secure to them So if they have to go to a Gathering as some social And they just have this fear of not knowing what to say They actually write on a note card Some notes are topics

[00:18:15] Because they just feel paralyzed And they put it in their purse And if they need to they know they can glance at it And that might help them give them a topic to talk about Just having that next to them helps that fear

[00:18:27] And so I thought that was a really good thing And I don't think that's weird I think it's just doing what you need to do To do what God's called you to do People, please, or Insecurity is make you want to Please people to gain validation Or acceptance

[00:18:44] But if gone on check Or like we aren't dealing with it And taking into the Lord we can become toxic Right? And our personalities can become toxic And I've had bouts of where I know I was being toxic

[00:18:58] And so I've had to regroup and get my head right And all that be it can slowly erode our life And immobilize us or paralyze us Or make us live in constant fear Or judgment or live in a world of denial Because we're doomed to fail

[00:19:14] Or we get paralyzed or paranoid And we don't want to trust people And we can miss out on the best of life And overly concerned with other spink It can manifest itself in a chronic inability To make decisions I don't know, I don't know what to do

[00:19:30] I don't know what to do like that And increase loneliness Perfectionism on a whole Can cause insecurity, depression, anxiety Eating disorders, chronic fatigue You let yourself down a lot Like all of this stuff One of Satan's most effective weapons In ministry, I believe is self-doubt

[00:19:50] Making us insecure about the meaning of life And our purpose and our ability Because if he can get us there We're just like done You know, so I think it's a really big tool of him It can look like meekness and compliance

[00:20:05] But it also can look like I said Bavato and defiance And I'm never wrong I'm never wrong kind of a person Some avoid attention, some demand it's different And again, it's important to identify your insecurities And so that you can tell what to drive me new

[00:20:21] And perhaps how what to do about it I have a library toy I've got tons of insecurities But one that I've noticed recently That I've identified that I never put a label on it And I was a conference I was at a conference

[00:20:35] And had a meltdown a little bit with some people But I noticed that being around Really confident people Bring it out every insecurity I have What is about that? I don't know if it's their so confident It reminds me how unconfident I am

[00:20:52] And there was a bunch of pastors And they're just so confident And I just found myself shrinking And shrinking and I'm like what the heck is wrong with me And so when I went home and I start saying Dumb stuff, I already say dumb stuff

[00:21:05] But really dumb stuff And you know then you leave And you're like why did I say that? You guys ever leave somewhere And you're like why did I say that? Like this morning Why did I tell you about the bathroom? I don't know

[00:21:16] Why did that come out of my mouth? Did you even hear what I said? Oh good never mind You didn't hear it But you hard it It's like great Thank you Thank you very much Anyways So it's just That I found is a trigger to me

[00:21:32] And what I would do about that is pray about it All I can do is pray about ahead of time We used to go to pastors Life retreats every year About a week before I just get really nervous Because all those people are there

[00:21:45] That are more than qualified to be there I mean I've been doing this for 40 years So I'm definitely not qualified to be there I mean that's what your head tells you And I must not be doing it right And I got to be around

[00:21:55] Do these hundreds of people They look at me wrong And it's because they hate me And it's just like oh my goodness So the week before It's horrible So I have to spend a lot of I'm still crying about that Okay, God You know my heart

[00:22:09] You see me You gotta help me through it And that's really what we can do about it Right? Weird I even Infecture mindset Because then I started to be asked to teach At these pastors retreat If you think that would be a confidence Builder right? No No

[00:22:27] Because I can always turn it around In a bad way So they kept asking me To do retreat planning Or on theme building I write So I didn't get to do how to write One once But more in the practical sense So I should have been

[00:22:45] Encourage or blessed That they saw that I was doing those well Right? And that like oh they think I can do it A lot of them had spoken my retreat Or whatever it was So took it as a compliment No, not me I took it as like

[00:23:01] I'm not worth teaching anything spiritual I can only teach the practical stuff They don't think there's anything in me To teach I mean what? But that's how my mind works And then you have to say okay Lord no I mean it's so it's like a battle

[00:23:14] And you're head all the time But that's how I've used up And so it's a thing But once I recognize it Then I can do something about it Then I can pray about it Then I can seek the Lord And do all the

[00:23:27] When I see positive self talk I'm not a positive self talk person But when I say it I mean Scripture and going to the Lord And reminding myself about who he is And who I am that I am He's all powerful And that he is efficient

[00:23:41] So asking him to create new Thought patterns and ways of thinking Like the week before the passers life Like Lord created my mind A new pattern, a new way Help me catch those things That I automatically go to And change my thoughts towards you

[00:23:58] And so you can't just identify it You gotta figure out what to do about it Again don't compare yourself to other ministries It's feudal It's feudal God's gifted you and you so differently Put you in the same church Okay well let's battle Okay you too

[00:24:20] Now I'm just kidding But he's gifted Each one of you guys with specific Like she said there's no one else with your story Or your gifts And placed you in the church In the city In the state Wherever you are With a specific purpose

[00:24:36] That's why he's gifted you in those areas So me comparing Mirrietta to a new jersey Ministry It's just dumb Why do we do that Right on on Instagram Or whatever We're doing that We all are called To do what he is called This to do Obedient to that

[00:24:54] And that's it And we all have different lanes If you're looking in the runner category Right We're all in a different lane And so we need to keep your eyes focused And as a runner when you're competing You are taught never to look over your shoulder

[00:25:08] To see where the other runner is You don't You lose Right you lose Time when you do it So we gotta stop And so if you're a one that tends to do that Catch yourself Remind yourself to look ahead Right You might be not

[00:25:23] We have so many different seasons of life Right I look at Mel with a little kids And I'm a grandma And so what I'm going to do And what she's going to do Is it going to be completely different Or if you're in a season of healing

[00:25:36] From something Or you know a physical thing We're all in different seasons And so we have to understand that When I look at the runner next to me in that lane I don't know what season they're in I don't even know if they're successful And what they're doing

[00:25:50] They're in a head of me That's dumb It's really dumb And so to tell ourselves to stop doing that And I think If you are dealing with someone who is really insecure In your ministry or You know a friend or Your self-ic guess But pointing out the flaw

[00:26:09] Somebody's flaws When they're insecure Is not always that helpful Because they know it It's not that they're not trying to own them Oftentimes they just can't even Why am I crying? I don't know But they know it Even though they're not telling you they know it

[00:26:28] And you've just probably crushed them Because now they really know it And you validated every fear that they have about themselves So that's not saying don't hold someone accountable It's saying be careful And choose your words carefully And add validation Into it Understand

[00:26:47] And you do need to know I cry every time I teach So just don't feel bad Just go with it This pretend I'm not doing it So you're going to have those people in your Ministries under you And you're going to have You know every personality type

[00:27:01] And so learning how to talk to them And manage to them And to lead them And when I was going to end disorders My I was dating Brian We dated in high school And then we got saved And we dated for five years and now we've been married 40

[00:27:17] So he went through the eating disorder thing But it was like I said in 79 80s up to about 83 And it really wasn't a big thing back then Like now It's a thing right Nobody was talking about it It wasn't a thing Nobody knew how to help you

[00:27:31] Just nobody talked about stuff back then And so my husband would say Well then back then he'd say He just say stupid stuff He would say things like Just stuff it And you're like Okay that's helpful Thank you Thank you right Or things like that

[00:27:47] Because he had no concept of a compulsive personality Or he had no concept So he would say just don't do that Or And then we had a lot of times of those things And then he's like okay Tell me what to say

[00:28:02] And so we'd sit there I'd say When you say this I hear that If you say this I hear that I would rather you say this Then this and I had to walk him through So he wouldn't trigger me by the silly stuff he said

[00:28:16] And it was effective and it helped And so if you're dealing with someone like that Find out what would help you If I if I said it You know saying wow you look really skinny today That didn't help Or

[00:28:29] I don't just he would just say he he's just trying He didn't know what to do So finding out how to minister to someone like that Is very very important Don't make jokes at their expense My husband's personality There's seven brothers and sisters

[00:28:45] And their parents were so sarcastic That I mean Whoa And so Brian in his personality Is very sarcastic He's gotten a lot better But early on That's how they all were brought up And sarcasm is funny Until it's pointed at you In the sensitive area

[00:29:05] It's pointed at you So we had to deal with that a lot Because he thinks it's funny I'm going down the tubes when he said it And so we had to deal with like a lot You cannot joke about that area That's too sensitive

[00:29:20] So you just have to talk about it And stop it Just stop it No, I'm just kidding And Remind them If you're dealing with someone or yourself Who you are in Christ That is so important So what is the solution? How do we combat it?

[00:29:40] Obviously self reflection and examination Personal growth As far as in the Lord Stop comparing Each other said that Identify root causes Set realistic goals And celebrate small achievements Get professional help If it's that bad And don't let a wrong and dysfunctional mindset Bosh you around or control you

[00:30:05] Because that's what it does And the ultimate answer is Jesus And I think of John 330 When John the Baptist It's a very familiar scripture But he's referring to Jesus And he says, he must increase Right? We all know this one And I must decrease John the Baptist understood

[00:30:25] That his role was to magnify Christ Which means the word magnify means To make something large So his job was to make Jesus large And you think about that That can only happen When we take our eyes off of ourselves And focus on him

[00:30:43] Because when we keep our eyes on ourselves And our own insecurities on our issues And why we're not right And because our eyes are on ourselves Right at that point We are magnifying him We're not going to decrease Until our eyes are focused on him And him alone

[00:31:00] Making him larger makes us smaller That's how it works Even in that look at how John the Baptist said What was first? He must increase And I must decrease If we focus I'm going to decrease I'm going to decrease We're still focusing on ourselves

[00:31:16] As we magnify and make him large We can naturally or supernaturally I guess decrease And that's the key So whatever our fear or phobia or insecurities Rational or irrational are Allow them to drive you to God And press into him And as we make him larger In securities

[00:31:37] We'll learn Become smaller Focus on God Focus on others And then apply the word We know that All the answers are in the word of God Right And we have Philippians 4-6 That talks about prayer and suffocation Philippians 4-13 We can do all things Secrecy strengthens me

[00:31:59] Before I was saved I had a friend who was witnessing to me And she would take me to use things Which I didn't like But anyways this verse We can do all things Secrecy strengthens me I started I memorized that And just repeated it

[00:32:14] Over and over in my head But it was when I wanted to do something Again Not saved I would look at that It's because I wanted to do it God's going to strengthen me to do it And so it was this very self-weight A look at this verse

[00:32:27] Because I didn't understand it But it's not a self-weight Because if God is calling you to do something He is going to strengthen you to do it You just don't get to pick what you want to do And then claim that promise that you get to do it

[00:32:41] But we do that without realizing it If he's called you to do something We can do all things through Christ Two strengths and two us And so Psalm 27 and five That Psalm is about seeing yourself hidden In the shelter of God Truths again is found in the word

[00:32:59] At where we need to find our identity I love Ephesians One sixth were a Paul said We are accepted in the beloved Because of never feeling accepted That phrase Whoa It's one of my favorites That we are accepted Who? You and me We're accepted in his beloved

[00:33:19] With our flaws With our insecurities with our issues He's accepted us Matthew 627-34 Talks about how much he loves us Don't worry about tomorrow The love of law But see key first The kingdom of God Again that reminder of putting our eyes on him Isaiah 43-14

[00:33:39] I have called you by name You are mine When you pass through the waters I will be with you And through the rivers They shall not overflow you And when you walk through the fire You will not be burned And it goes on

[00:33:52] And I often pray that he won't let my insecurities drown me And so that verse is very near to my heart And then Psalm 91 is a Psalm of confidence In him, which is a great Psalm to read I think insecurities, fears, phobias Are really like Ruth said

[00:34:11] I feel you are to trust God Also we might not understand that Or see that But it's true And then in Jeremiah 17-7-8 You all know this one We see this wonderful contrast Between a man who trusts in himself And his own strength

[00:34:27] And a man who is trust And hope is in the Lord And read that one over to remind yourself That your confidence is in him Not in yourself That we cannot trust our abilities Or our experience Or our great wisdom Or strength but trust in him

[00:34:44] And then when we do that Only then I think can we learn to obey Despite whatever we feel Right? Believe the promise And as day of 26-3 That the perfect piece Talks about perfect piece If your mind is stayed on him

[00:35:01] So work to keep your mind on him And know him Remind yourself Of how faithful God is How faithful he has been So many things he's called me to do And I thought there's no way I can do it And you just learn to do it anyways

[00:35:18] And then you see God do it Maybe not how you planned or saw it But if he's called you to do it He is faithful And he wants to equip you And so remind yourself of how faithful he has been And how faithful he will continue to be

[00:35:33] Now I looked at some I was trying to find a Bible example Of a person who had great insecurities And when she was talking this morning She went to Eve and Abraham And I'm like, dude if you use Moses I'm done And she didn't So thank you Lord

[00:35:49] But I thought Moses is the epitome Of someone not feeling enough When he was told by God to approach Pharaoh I mean you look at his excuses His story you can go back and read We don't have time But it's in Exodus 3 and 4

[00:36:04] God pierced the him in that burning bush We see Moses is called to leadership Again, you're all familiar with that story But go home and read again Exodus 3 and 4 And we see his response in verses 7 through 10 But Moses is full of self doubt

[00:36:21] Pharaoh stepping out a speaking disability So he doubted he was actually physically even able To do what God had called him and to do I felt like he had this lack of credibility With the Israelites He was not perfect He had called him to lead 2 million people

[00:36:39] Out of bondage and Egypt into the promise land That's amazing But he didn't believe he was worthy Right in 3-11 he says Who am I? Who am I to do this? And he was still unconvinced He was the right man Even after all the miracles

[00:36:56] And chapter 4 that God showed him You know when he says they're not going to believe me And so God just wall if they say this And they're just miracle miracle And he still didn't believe him He wanted God to send someone else He doubted himself

[00:37:10] The name Moses means drawn out Because he was drawn out of the water Remember that he was floating But he also was called to draw out the people From Egypt And actually God was drawing him out Right And you're going to do this You're my man

[00:37:27] I just thought that was fascinating And we know he was God's friend He was a humble man We know again speech disabilities Identity issue he had an anger problem Right He was mad at the Egyptian for killing Hebrew Not patient with his rights got mad about the man

[00:37:43] Angry about the golden calf Which he should have But then remember he struck that rock The second time kept him out of the promise land Yeah, angry issue Um Inpatient He was not a perfect guy Right He was not perfect He was a nobody

[00:37:58] No longer a palis boy And rejected by the Hebrew So he was too Egyptian to be Hebrew And too Hebrew to be Egyptian Talk about an identity crisis Now he was just a shepherd with nowhere to go When God called them out of the burning bush

[00:38:12] Until that's pretty cool Bush speaks to But God was gracious and forgiving Yet when he crossed a line There was grave consequences When he misrepresented him Which think about this The consequences weren't Because he was insecure When he was saying God I can't God came back

[00:38:34] I will do it I can do this It was all Confirm me what God was going to do But he got mad God got mad when he misrepresented God to the people I mean that's a big difference Right And I just thought, whoa His five excuses

[00:38:53] Revealed the depths of his pain And I think lies he believed about himself Which could have easily made him remain defeated But he didn't He chose God His excuses I'm not enough I'm not adequate Who am I And how many of you have said that

[00:39:12] As either a pastor's life A ministry leader A mom, a wife whatever Like I'm not who am I I'm not enough He said I don't know enough What if they ask who you are Doesn't that keep us from even Ministering sometimes

[00:39:24] You know what if they ask me this or that right? He's just like I don't know enough What if they ask me questions He said they're not going to believe me So he questioned his credibility Which I thought was interesting Because so often we say

[00:39:39] I can't I can't minister to an alcoholic Because I've never been an alcoholic I can't minister to this You know you got to find someone who is in that No you don't I mean I see the validity of that And the effectiveness of it

[00:39:53] But I didn't need to be in person To minister in a prison I work with human trafficking victims I don't have to have been trafficked And I think that keeps us sometimes Because at God's call and you To minister to someone or somewhere

[00:40:08] Something that you're like I don't know Whatever Do it You don't have to have been that To do it And so just remember that Because I think that's our own self doubt And security I don't know what if they ask me

[00:40:22] I can't relate to a human trafficking victim But I can love them I can remind them who they are in God And the purpose that God has created them for So go where you can Which is the word Jesus wasn't all those things

[00:40:38] And he ministered across the board And so just remind yourself of that He I think Moses's past Oh then he said he was not good with words I'm going to be over that When you had to speak right I obviously have not

[00:40:54] I have a list by spit when I talk Sorry I am not the one to do this But God knew that about him When he chose him He knew that He had disabilities He had weaknesses We all have weaknesses And God knew that

[00:41:10] When he called you to do whatever he's called you to do And then finally his last one in chapter 413 When he said basically after God gives him all the eye I will be there He just says can't you just send someone else

[00:41:24] I just thought it was so funny It was kind of like the real reason Right Just send someone else It's not me God He right And have not we all said that as well But yet God Continue to call him and Moses Because of God And God's reassurance

[00:41:43] And who God was was able to continue And again God didn't yell at him Be angry at him He just reminded him of who the eye am is That who he was And that's what he needed to trust in He didn't say oh no you speak fine

[00:41:58] You know no It was who God was And that's how we are to remind ourselves And that we are not alone He kept saying that to Moses You are not alone I'm going I will be there I will be there Same thing he says to you

[00:42:10] And I when he's called us To minister I will bring you up I will stretch out my hand I will be your mouse God kept making promise And provision to him God doesn't ask us to be someone else Sometimes we wish you did Right But he doesn't

[00:42:28] He's fully aware of again Your strengths And weaknesses And has a purpose and plan For what he's called you to do And Moses had to make a decision To follow God no matter what And honestly Some of his fears came true Right God I'm ferro didn't immediately

[00:42:44] Like say oh yeah Okay you know It was like play After play And God had warned him that But play after play And I feel like Moses came back stronger And stronger And I think personally that God used those Failures

[00:42:58] Or I don't know if you want to call him that But use those to make him stronger And build his resolve in in God And because as the play came He could seek Well God's fulfilling his promise God said this was going to happen Right

[00:43:13] And so it will build his confidence Again that God's doing what he said he's going to do And so even if it looks like a failure You be persistent and keep going If God's called you to do it Again every time he said no He came back stronger

[00:43:29] He grew to trust And depend on God And it's so easy to trust And depend on ourselves Like Ruth talked about And focus on our own weaknesses That's so easier to do Then focus on God's strength So when you guys when we lack I'm just wrapping up here

[00:43:48] When we lack We need to learn to magnify All that he is When we feel weak Focus on his strength When we feel unattractive Emphasize his beauty and his wholeness And his righteousness And his perfection When we feel not enough Remind yourself that he is

[00:44:08] And I read this quote by I don't even actually know where I got it But I thought it was great How can we speak up and share the gospel If we don't like to sound of our own voice How can we extend the helping hand

[00:44:19] If we are to focus on how we look How can we use the gifts that God has given us If we don't even believe we have them I'm in true Focus on God In security is a weight That we need to lay aside As we run with endurance

[00:44:36] The race that is set before us That Paul talks about in Hebrews 121 Lay it aside so that we can run free What do you need ladies to lay aside To be free in this category of insecurities Free to be who God has called you to be

[00:44:52] And free to obey And do whatever God's call you to do Don't listen to the enemy of your soul And don't let your past Or your failures Or all the things we've listed defined Who you are in Christ Just like Moses

[00:45:08] Honestly he probably wasn't the best candidate for the job If you had him list his strengths and weaknesses Or take one of those strengths Find your test or whatever If you take one of those and you're like Oh, here's my guess I don't know whatever

[00:45:22] I don't I'm not a fan of those But anyways If you had him do that These were not his strengths He would not have looked at that paper and said, okay I'm called yep, this my strengths Find her says it I'm there

[00:45:36] No, what is God calling you to do I'm sorry maybe some of you write those I don't know, sorry But God chose you for a purpose And as you yield to him and say yes And focus on him Magnify him and make him large in your life

[00:45:53] He will be strong Because he is faithful And our weakness Doesn't cripple God's strength We cripple ourselves We don't cripple God And just in closing I was reading just a couple days ago And the story was going through Paul's life in an Acts chapter 14 Think Paul and Barnabas

[00:46:12] They were traveling And they kept getting stoned And things kept having to do that Right? And then they got threatened To be stoned And they went into Lister, I don't know how to say it And they get there And they are they're start healing people

[00:46:27] So all the people think their God If you remember that and they're like Oh, it's like Zeus and whatever And they want to make sacrifices to them And they're so excited about Who Paul and Barnabas are Oh, you're God And then in a verse later

[00:46:41] Some Jews came down Kind of shared with the ones who were You know, worshipping them And then all of a sudden They all turned against them And they stoned Paul If you remember he just gets up And goes on you're just like Whoa

[00:46:54] But I was looking at that And I felt like sometimes that describes Ministry Maybe not just as a pastor's life Or maybe in your ministry If you're a leader Today you're a hero Tomorrow you're a zero And it happens in a verse Right?

[00:47:08] Like you're just they love you Until they don't And until they love you Until tomorrow they hate you And I'm looking at Paul And him and Barnabas Just got up Preston to God and kept going I mean these guys stoned him Talk about going from

[00:47:22] You're a God to you're nothing But yet him Moses We could look at Gideon He was a little skittish But they pressed into God And that's what enabled them to Continue forward No matter there And we don't know how Moses felt Inside You know, we see his excuses

[00:47:40] But we don't know if he was trembling And his boots The whole time he did it I'd venture to say he probably was But who knows? But they were human But yet they knew the secrets Was pressing into God And so I pray for each one of us

[00:47:54] That as we face whatever In security you have Or we have that you'll Remember those stories And remember that it's time To magnify him And let him increase So that we might decrease So that's pray Father, I thank you For each one of these women in here

[00:48:14] The ministries that you've given them Lord, if they're in here They probably deal with In security in some fashion So I pray that each one of us Would do our best to magnify you And let you increase in our lives That we would learn how to see

[00:48:31] That it's all about you Our sufficiency, our strength Our wisdom, our abilities Even our spirit of gifts And the abilities To do the things you've called us To do are from you Lord, we are here to Kingdom Build We are here to glorify you

[00:48:49] And honor you and all that we do Teach us Lord, how to Constantly Take our eyes off of ourselves And put them back on you Where they should be Lord, remind us when we're doing it Show us maybe some triggers So that we can plan ahead

[00:49:06] And be prayed up Before we walk into something That is difficult for us And Lord, we do We just want to glorify you We want to share your gospel As Ruth talked about, we have this This earthen treasure And we have the gospel

[00:49:24] And our main purpose is to bring that gospel To the world And so I pray that we would remember that And focus on that in Jesus' name Amen Well thanks for joining us today We hope you find this content helpful Hey, stay connected With us on Instagram

[00:49:42] And Facebook for all that is going on With when she leaves We'll see you next time