S3E5: Everyone Needs a Paul - Submitting to a Mentor

Well, here at CGN, we like to say we are better together. We're a family of churches that want to walk alongside with one another and actually be in community, learning from one another, growing with one another in fellowship, to partner together for the gospel, to make disciples, to plant churches, and to do the things that God has called us to do together. You know, it's often said that we should have a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy in our life. A Paul, someone that's Pouring into us, a Barnabas, someone that's encouraging us, a peer that we're co-laboring with, but also a Timothy, someone that we should be pouring into. And this summer, what we want to do in these video sessions is talk about mentorship. Talk about these types of relationships and practical. Get very practical about what does it mean to submit to someone or pour into someone or how do we actually invest in one another in these things. And today I get the honor to talk to you about someone pouring into you mentorship. I'm gonna talk to you and give you thoughts about mentorship, things that I've been learning growing in, and specifically how do we pick a mentor in our life? I know sometimes mentorship could be a scary word because we have to submit to our mentors, but great leaders are those that first submit to great leaders, right? We submit to the Lord Jesus Christ as church leaders. He is the head or the chief shepherd, the head of his body, and we are under shepherds and we submit to him. And in the same manner, we should learn submission is a good word. It's a great word to be able to have someone pouring into you. But it can be a nightmare. And it can be something that is fearful. Because if you pick the wrong mentor or the wrong leader, right? ⁓ it's going to be a nightmare. So many people say they don't quit an organization. They quit ⁓ the vision or mission. They they love those things. People quit because of their boss, because someone over them and abuses authority. And so it's very important for us to Pick the right mentor. And that's what I want to talk to you about today. Who should we pick to invest in our lives? And I want to give you some qualities to look for and just talk through about mentorship as a mentoree. However, I not only want to talk to you with the thing in mind of what to look for, but for many of us as pastors, as leaders, we are also mentoring other people. Again, we want to have a Paul in our life, but we also want to be a Timothy to ⁓ as well ⁓ to others. ⁓ Paul to others, right? Have that relationship. And so what I want to do is for as I talk about mentory and mentorship relationship and who you should look to, I want you to think in your mind as well, this is who I should become. If I'm going to mentor other people, I should not only look out for those qualities in a mentor that I'm looking to have pour into me, but I should be praying about who I should become and praying for these qualities in my own life. You know A mentor is someone that has been where you want to go and they're willing to help you in that process. A mentor and a coach seem to be a little bit different. Although both ask good questions and help you improve in a skill or lifetime or whatever, a mentor is someone who's actually practiced what you want to become. A coach doesn't have to be a great head coach of maybe a sports team. He doesn't have to be an athlete first. He could just ⁓ watch, study the game and know. But a mentor has that experience, that wisdom. And you want to emulate a mentor, someone who's gone before you. And that mentorship could be with ⁓ church leadership, organization, ⁓ marriage, parenting. You can learn a lot from a lot of different people. But if you are a mentor and if you're looking for a mentor in your life, you want to make sure they emulate Christ like characters. Paul said, follow me as I follow Christ. He had this Christ-like character that actually imparted into others as he was to serve. And so we need to look for ⁓ mentors that have this Christ-like character that could pour into us, that have gone before us, and they can actually teach us how to walk in those ways. John Maxwell wrote a great book, Mentoring 101. It's a small little book, about a hundred pages and of almost like a booklet, a little pamphlet. ⁓ but it's it's a really great book, and he mentions this and gives the definition of mentorship. He says a mentor is a person who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. He's a person that knows the way. he understands how to get from point A to point B. But then he goes the way. He applies it to his own life, and then he's able to teach others. He shows the way. This is the type of mentor that you want to have, and this is the type of mentor that. you want to be. Bill Cripson ⁓ he gives three sort of key principles and foundations for mentoring. I think that we should go to God's word and look for some principles as well, ⁓ just what mentoring in that relationship looks like. And he says, ⁓ one, if you're gonna pick a mentor or be a mentor, you should have John three thirty ⁓ thirty in mind, ⁓ where that's the verse where John the Baptist said, He must increase and I must decrease. A mentor understands the role ⁓ that It is not about him. And this is an important aspect of mentorship. You want to look for someone who is actually willing to not be it all about themselves. They don't want to mentor you just to use you and get stuff done. They want to pour into you. The second verse that comes to my mind, the principle that he shared, is ⁓ 2 Timothy 2 2. It says, Paul said, Where ⁓ Timothy, I passed the the things I you heard and seen for me, I want you to pass those on to other faithful men. You not only want someone that you could be other centered on, but you want to look for those guys that can teach you other things, ⁓ that want to pass things on to you. ⁓ we need to be able to pass things on and learn from others and have that humility and that posture as a mentoree. But humility is both ways. We need to look for those people that are willing to share that information, making sure that they have time. Oftentimes with mentorship, it's not a matter of wisdom that people have, it's a lack of capacity. They don't have the capacity, they only have the time to pass it on to spend time with you. And so when you're looking for a mentor, you need to look for someone humble, someone able to pass that on to you, and that has the time to do so. And then Psalm 78, it's a great psalm. It's about telling the next generation. I think you need to find someone that is committed. What I mean by that is that psalm and that verse talks about how it's a responsibility for one generation to pass it on. You could have someone who is other centered, who ⁓ has a capacity to do it, but they may not be committed to you. A mentor that you should pick is someone that's going to commit to you, share, and pour into you. Bill Christman, about this point, he said, we are privileged to allow a younger generation to stand on our shoulders, to see and go farther than we have done. It should be a privilege to your mentor that they're pouring into you, that they're making their lives about you and passing these things on. And so, as a mentoree or a mentor that you want to become, I think that we should look at 12 qualities. of biblical mentorship ⁓ to just go through. And these qualities are probably very familiar with you. There are two passages in scripture about elders or leaders in the church. First ⁓ passage is Titus 1, ⁓ chapter 1 verses 5 through 9. The second chapter is the second passage is 1 Timothy chapter 3 verses 1 through 13. They give qualifications of biblical eldership, of being a pastor, of being a leader in the church and ⁓ because a leader in the church is someone that you're not supposed to just listen to, but watch their life and their character and emulate that. And what is a mentor? It's someone that you emulate, someone that you want to go where they have gone. And so these are good qualifications to filter through and to think about when you're picking a mentor. And we're not going to go through all of them, but there are some qualifications, things to think about. I have 12 sort of just of a summary of this passage of a person of character. And that's the big idea. You want to look at someone, a person of character. And and and Paul. Breaks it down to Titus and Timothy, who should lead others. Who's gonna lead you? ⁓ first thing is a mentor must be well established in Christian faith, not a new convert. I think that you should look for someone as a church leader who's walked farther than you, gone ⁓ more with Christ or more mature in depth and area, because ⁓ you wanna see faithfulness in their life and the characteristics of good character, someone that's done the right thing for a long time, right? ⁓ second thing is a mentor should be a person of good reputation or above reproach. I know it sounds weird, but do they have references? Are you proud to call this person ⁓ a mentor? ⁓ to to actually ⁓ get a reference not just from people under them, but are they even having a mentor? Or is there someone over them? A third thing you can see as far as a reference is not just out there above reproach, but in their home. A mentor, number three, must be faithful to his or her spouse. Fidelity, faithfulness, it's a very important thing. And so you want to look for someone who is faithful, who when they commit to something, they follow through. You want to look for though in a mentor. And so have them been faithful to their spouse, to their church family, these type of things. Number four, a mentor must be level-headed and self-controlled, not controlled by bad habits or addictions. Don't forget Proverbs 13:20. You become who you hang out with. You walk with the wise, you'll be with the wise. You walk with the fool, you'll be with the fool. Oftentimes who we hang out with, we become like. And if we're gonna walk with a mentor, we should asking, what are the ⁓ habits, addictions, or things that they've done? Are they good? Are they bad? Are they gonna have a bad influence or a good influence? I'm hoping that your mentor should have a good influence on you. So they need to be level-headed, self-controlled, disciplined, fruit of the spirit type of character. Number five, a mentor must be honest and genuine. This is very important in ministry and in life. ⁓ when a mint when you ask a mentor a question about your character or something you're leaning on, you want them to be honest and genuine. Yes, you want them to be loving, but you want them to speak the truth in love. You want them to know, you want to know that you can get honest feedback. Hey, how was my message there? Shouldn't my delivery? What did that look like? And a mentor should come alongside of you and lovingly give you honest and genuine feedback. Number six, a mentor must love what is good, upright and holy. Why is this important? Because a mentor needs to love what's good, upright, and holy more than he loves you or making you happy. ⁓ we often get tempted to please people and like speaking truth, there could be times where a mentor needs to guide you to goodness, to do the right thing. Have you seen that mentor do the right thing and say yes when no one knows, or have that integrity? ⁓ it's really, really important that you can learn that skill from a mentor and pass that on to you. Number seven, a mentor must be teachable, biblically literate, daily studying and having firm, ⁓ holding firm in the truth of God's word. If if a mentor is going to give you advice, don't you want it to be biblical advice? Don't you want it to be godly advice? You know, the best wisdom, the best truth we could find is in God's word. And so I want my mentor to continually point me to scripture, point me to the word of God, give me verses, and have that a part of our relationship. I could have mentors that are not Christians, but I want those that ⁓ over me that I submit to to be submitted to the Lord first and especially his word. Number eight, a mentor must be able to teach others. Now this is an important thing. This is one of the only skills for a biblical leader to have or an elder to have is to teach. If you have someone that is really full of godly character and amazing, but doesn't know how to teach you those things that they've learned, that's gonna be problematic. And I think that's the same thing with the pastor in this in this ⁓ requirements of a biblical elder, right? They can have the godly character, but then they need to show you the way. They need to teach you. They need to articulate, hey, this is how you do from A to B. This is how you get there. Step one, two, three, four. This is the things I've worked on. And they need to explain those things. So look for someone who you connect with, who you learn from, from their teaching, from biblical teaching to just one on one conversation. Number nine, a mentor must show hospitality, ready to welcome both friends and strangers. Now this maybe seem like a weird one. Like how does that apply to mentorship? But remember, all all mentors don't need to be your best friends. They may actually be new to your life. You may need to get to know them. They may be new to you. So they need to practice hospitality. Hey, can they draw out your heart and ask questions and get to know you? Because a mentor isn't just an influencer. You're asking questions. They're getting to know you. They they have a listening ear. They're you're picking their brain. You're talking and conversing. So hospitality is a big deal. They're gonna, they're gonna love. Inviting you into their life so you can see them. Number 10, a mentor must have a gentle and gracious spirit, not given to violent outbursts of anger, not quarrelsome. You know, when I think about this, I think about in a mentor's life, when they're showing a trainee or someone that they're learning, ⁓ teaching, trying to learn, that mentore or trainee is going to blow it. And honestly, I don't want a mentor that blows up on me when I mess up. I want someone to be gentle, kind. Hey Daniel, you know what? Next time you shouldn't do this, you should do this. Not embarrass me in the moment to come alongside privately and do those things. And so ⁓ not having burst of outrage or anger, giving into that, sinning in their anger, demeaning me, putting me down, but encourage me along the way. Because we all need that. And again, these are things we're looking for in mentors, but aren't these things that we should be as we're shepherding, caring, loving, teaching, and mentoring others? 11. A mentor must not be a lover of money and material possessions. Now, ⁓ for mentorship, I don't think there's anything wrong with paying for coaching and mentoring. I think a worker is worthy of his wages. And there are some mentors that I have literally paid. Hey, I will buy you a meal if you spig time, if you give me some time. Hey, I want some more access to you. Can I do this? And can I can I hop on a plane and spend money to go spend time with you? I've done that before. ⁓ these things are important. I don't think it means that. I mean a mentor shouldn't be Having this relationship because of money. It's okay to compensate your mentor, your coach, those things, but they shouldn't be doing it for money. They shouldn't be doing it for the love of money. They should love you as a mentoree. Number 12, and this is the final quality and this summation of things that we want to look for in a mentor or we want to be and pray for. A mentor must be a mentor in the home first. That is, a mentor must first prove that he or she can be. ⁓ nurtured, love, teach, train, counsel his own children. You know how you could find a great mentor, someone who's already mentoring and faithful to it. And so ⁓ before people attempt to mentor or before you attempt to mentor other people, mentor your children, the calling that God has given you. Be committed to them. Be faithful to them. Pass things on to them. It's a great training ground and something we can look. If you're not leading in your home, man, ⁓ you're really not leading. Lastly, I want to just talk to you is about mentoring and picking that mentorship. What qualifications are they going to be in my life, short-term, long-term, getting all that stuff done? But I just want to talk to you briefly for the last closing part of how to maximize your mentor mentoring. ⁓ as you have a mentor and you decide, okay, it's gonna be a season and they have these qualities. Here's three things that you can do to actually maximize mentorship and learn as much as you can do. Prepare ⁓ prepare, reflect, and take action. ⁓ preparation, reflection, and action. Here's what you want to do in a meeting. You want to prep. ⁓ all's well that begins well. What are some questions ⁓ that you want to discover and answers you want to discover and questions you need to ask in the meeting? You know, oftentimes if I have a big meeting like I did with ⁓ recently with someone that I respected, I knew their time was limited, I knew how much time we had, and I had about a list of 20 questions in my mind that I wanted to ask. I knew I wasn't gonna get to all those questions, but I was prepared. I was hungry. I was making sure that okay, we have this time. I can't just talk about this, this, and this. What's the key things in priority? I want to learn from this person about this situation and what wisdom do they have for me. But then after the meeting, ⁓ I'm gonna I'm gonna come down with those notes and prepare. I'm gonna write stuff down. As they're as we're talking, I'm gonna take ⁓ time To write those things down and reflect. ⁓ you know, all well, that ends well. Oftentimes we can have great conversations, but but we yet we don't actually remember them. So within 24 hours, you want to categorize some answers, some things, ⁓ and you want to put some action steps into what you've heard, what you've learned. Create ⁓ a document, ⁓ a ever note or one note or whatever it may be. Put some stuff down on paper, the wisdom that is being passed on to you. And actually, respectful if someone's talking. ⁓ that they're writing down. Oftentimes, even in these ⁓ video settings, I have a piece of paper and no, and I'm writing things down. I expect God to use those moments to give me wisdom. I want to write it down. And lastly, if you're gonna maximize your meeting with the mentor, don't just prepare for it. Don't just reflect on it. We're blessed when we do it. We got to apply it. We gotta have action. There is no change without action. You put all the work in of prepping and Knowing who you're going to submit to, making time, giving qualifications, asking a mentor to put into you. And when they give you that information, don't waste it. Put it into action. Apply what you are learning. Submit to the wisdom that is given to you. And so these things are hopefully helpful for you. And we can discuss more and talk more about mentorship this summer as we move forward together, thinking through these ideas. But these were just some of my thoughts about mentorship and especially. To alleviate the fear of submitting to a mentor. Mentorship is a great thing. It's blessed my life, and I know it will bless yours. And so I just thank you so much for being a part of this group so we could learn together and grow together. Because in our group, we have people that have have gone before us. We have people that have that are equals and peers, like a Barnabas, and we have people that are Timothy's that are that are not as far as head as we can. And we should do our best to cultivate mint mentorship in this cohort and to be walking. Together, because truly, truly, we are better together.