Trish Kulcsar Part 1

[00:00:05] Welcome to Women Worth Knowing, the radio program and podcast hosted by Cheryl Brodersen and Robin Jones Gunn. Robin, are you so excited about today? I am because our guest today, Trish, you know, have you ever just like seen a woman, met her, just said hello and right away you go, I want to be your friend. And that's how I felt when I first saw Trish, like what an elegantly gracious woman. It kind of exudes from you. Well, she seems. Welcome here.

[00:00:33] She seems elegant, but I did VBS with her and there's a whole nother side. Oh, I want to hear all about it. You should have seen her with that huge water gun. Yes. I will never forget. I was like, no, Trish, not you. She's like, oh, yeah, I had a former life. And we're going to talk about that a little bit today. But, you know, there are so many women all around us who are worth knowing. That's it.

[00:00:57] And, you know, if you just take inventory of even your friends and you start hearing their story, you find that you hear the great work of God and just these fascinating, miraculous, divine interventions by the Lord. And so I had always thought I want Trish, you know, on a podcast. But then I was sitting with her in a meeting last Friday and she began to tell this story. And I was so moved.

[00:01:25] I went up to her and I said, that story needs to be told. That is just so amazing. And every time Trish says, I have a story to share, I get very excited because she really does. And it's from the testimony of her life. So the listeners don't know that you're actually English with a Hungarian last name. So we're going to introduce you to Trish Kolsar. But Trish. Which Laszlo will correct. It's Kulchar. Kulchar. OK.

[00:01:54] Oh, it's so good to know that. How long did it take you to learn how to pronounce your last name? I think about two years. Into the marriage. Well, you know, the first time that I was dating Brian and my sister had said to my dad, I think Cheryl really likes this one. So my dad got very concerned, like, I need to know about him. So he said to me, you know, what's he do for a living? How much does he make? I knew every answer to every question. And then my dad said, and what's his last name? I've been dating him for two to three weeks.

[00:02:24] I did not know his last name. So that evening I said to Brian, oh, let me see your driver's license. Figured this is a great way. And so then I handed it back and I said, there you go, Mr. Brodersen. And I said, Brodersen, you didn't know my last name. I said, do I have to be caught by everybody? You know, that that's interesting. So Kulchar. Yes. Kulchar. OK. It is. Kulch means key in Hungarian. Key. Key. Oh, wow. Like to unlock a door. Like unlocking the door or the keys of the kingdom. Wow. I like that.

[00:02:54] Yeah. What's Char? I don't know. Your son. Yes. Well, I know. Yeah, exactly. I know Buddha, like Buddha and Pesh. Like Buddha means the hills and Pesh means, I think, the two separate cities before they were joined. Yeah. So, you know, there are these significant words. OK.

[00:03:13] So let's talk about your upbringing and where you were born, because people want to know what the culture that you were born into was like. Yeah. Well, I have to go back to date myself. So in the 50s, not specifically. But yeah, that was obviously post-war, World War II.

[00:03:38] And I was born in a greater Manchester area of a little outskirt city called Salford. And so that's where I was raised. And in the early years, I was just going to a little elementary school. And, you know, basically, my parents lived in what they call like a tenement house.

[00:04:05] It was a row housing, every adjoining wall next to you. You could hear your neighbors having a conversation at the dining table. Oh, my goodness. So they were very thin walls. Yes. Yeah. I thought they would be brick or cinder block. Yeah. Well, they are. But you still hear the echoes inside. They're small boxes basically joined together.

[00:04:28] And I went back, you know, after I was moved here to America, after I moved here, chose to live here. I went back to go with my mother to see if those homes were still there. And they'd all been taken down and remodeled the whole neighborhood. Oh, nice. But I remember the cobblestone street. I remember, you know, when I was two years old, my mom had all of the kids go out into the street. It must have been summertime.

[00:04:57] So it was one of those hot summer days where all of the Brits go out in the bathing suits. And we had a metal bathtub on the cobblestone street and all the kids were playing in it. Great. So that's my two-year-old memory, one of the early ones that I can remember. Like, think about how my grandson has every toy imaginable. He's four years old and he's always bored. You know, and you're thinking, I gave him a couple of paper towel tubes last night and he loved those more than any of his toys.

[00:05:27] So I could see where that metal tin would bring so much joy. How many siblings do you have? I just had one brother. I say had because I believe he's with the Lord. And so in 2017, at the age of 62, he died of a massive heart attack. Wow. Now, was he in England? No. No, actually, he was here before me, three years before me. Wow.

[00:05:55] He's three years older than me. And he went to university, Essex University, and got his degree in computer programming, computer sciences. And so, excuse me, I suppose I'm muted, I suppose. You're fine.

[00:06:13] But so at that time when he graduated, Silicon Valley were searching for some of the most intellectual and especially for the computer age. And they brought him to San Francisco, all expenses paid. Wow. So that's how he ended up getting moved to America. How old was he then? So, well, he must have been right out of university, so early 20s. Wow. Yeah. Okay.

[00:06:41] So you grew up in England, Manchester. Now, a little outskirts, a little village. I think, though, that our listeners who aren't English, especially those that are, you know, American, they don't understand how different your culture was growing up than your art culture. So tell us some of the differences that you observed between, you know. From growing up? Yes. Well, you know, you don't really, I think as a child, you don't really look at your culture.

[00:07:11] You are just your culture. That's true. That's who you are. That's your identity. And so the only time that I really could start to feel the difference was then actually when I moved here. And I realized that, yeah, we speak English, but it's a different English. And we attach different meanings to some of the words. And everybody usually knows the one where we call the bonnet is the hood of the car. Yes. Yeah. And the boot is the trunk. The trunk.

[00:07:41] And you have boot cells, not garage cells. Yeah, that's right. Boot cells. So things like that. And, you know, besides those word changes, garage, garage, there were some of the other things of how we, I think, express ourselves was a definite cultural change for me. And I was just as a natural, you know, shy person, never used to sharing my emotions, being outgoing with people.

[00:08:10] But one thing I did find is that people loved my accent when I came here. That's true. And it meant that they were always asking me questions, asking me to talk. And I was kind of like, you know, surprised by that. Why? You know, why should I do this? And it helped me develop it to be more outgoing. But that was a big cultural change for me. Well, I know in England the cultures change from north to south. And, I mean, dramatically. The culture in the south.

[00:08:37] I remember these girls at church surrounded me and told me what phrases I could say. But there were some northerners who were standing there saying, she can't say that. And they got in a dispute over how the pastor's wife should talk. And I just said, you know what? I'm going to stick with the phrases I know. But thank you so much, both of you. But just the different cultures.

[00:09:02] And, you know, there's the London, the East London culture, which is so different than the West London culture. Yeah. And the North London culture. Just even in London. Right. This culture. And I know Manchester has a different culture. But then you've got a village culture. Yes. Which is quite different. Yeah. And we were, like I say, in Salford. But then my parents ended up going into business.

[00:09:30] They had a dream to own their own business. And they took an opportunity to buy a shop, which is what we call the wood store here. But it was on the main street. It was, I suppose you would call it a strip mall or a strip center of shops here. But for here, it was just a row of shops. And you lived at the back of it. Oh, my goodness. And above it. So our living home, our home was through the shop front door.

[00:09:59] Oh, my goodness. Where it was wallpaper. It was like a little DIY store. Wow. My father was a decorator, painter, did some interior decorating for some few people that he would try to put their home together. And my mom ran the shop and he would get a team of painters and decorators to go out on the jobs with him. So, you know, I learned from, I think it was around three or four years old when they moved to that shop.

[00:10:25] So I remember my other early experience was going into the shop, coming down the stairs, going down for breakfast into the little back room, living room and the kitchen that's at the back of the shop. But then my mom was rushing to open the shop door and she would help me open the shop door. The front door would be open and business began.

[00:10:47] And I would learn how to unroll these wallpapers, which were very popular back then, to decorate your walls with these paper designs. And then she taught me how to balance colors from a very early age. My dad sometimes used to take me out on the jobs with him. And I learned how to actually wallpaper walls before I was a teenager and how to paint things and sand things. I'm going to invite you over.

[00:11:17] I know. The description just brings to mind like an episode from the show, call the midwife. And here's a little shop in the little English village and here's all the people. So what was it like during your childhood and how long did you live in England before you ended up in the U.S.? And did you ever go to church? Okay. So first to answer your question, Robin. My early childhood, I had a lot of fun because my parents were business minded.

[00:11:45] They were being successful in the business. And that meant we were climbing from being lower middle class to upper middle class. And my parents really loved to travel. So we were privileged to go to Europe and to fly in an airplane. So back in the 60s, that was like a really novel thing. That was huge.

[00:12:11] So we would fly in the airplane and go to Spain and France. And remember going to Paris. I was 11 years old when we went up the Eiffel Tower. And so, you know, again, another beautiful memory. But on the flip side of that, I don't know at what period of time my father started to drink heavily. But he did. And he was born in Glasgow. And he had a very Scottish brogue.

[00:12:42] And when they got into the arguments, you know, my mother and father, he was a domineering. He slipped into his domineering personality. He was really like a jackal and hide. He'd be very kind and generous. And then bullying. And I saw that a lot of bullying went on. And, you know, that made my brother and I kind of afraid of him. And that grew over the years.

[00:13:09] So I gravitated more to my mother as I was growing up then and being kind of limited with my emotional connection with my father. And unfortunately, they did have fights, you know. Yeah. And I remember at some point at the back of the shop on the stairs that went up to the bedrooms at the back of the shop, sitting there crying with my brother saying, I hate my father.

[00:13:38] You know, I wish he was dead. And what an awful thing to say. But, you know, as a child, you just wanted to stop and you think that that is going to make it stop. Did we go to church to answer yours? Yes. Yes. I remembered. I think I'd kind of blocked it out somehow or, you know, it didn't stick with me because it wasn't an ongoing practice.

[00:14:05] But I do remember what they used to have in England. I think they maybe still do Whitsunday walks somewhere around Easter time. And they parade their kids in the best dresses and with the church, you know, procession. There's music. There's banners. And they go through the local streets. And there's a lot of it's Easter. So there's a lot of flowers and bouquets that the kids carry and things like that.

[00:14:34] So I remember as a young child actually going on a couple of these. And I do also remember the banner, the banner over us on the street. It became a very important memory when I became a believer because I was given a picture frame by the pastor who led me to the Lord. And it was that picture where Jesus is standing at the door knocking. I'm sorry, I forgot.

[00:15:04] Revelation 3.20. Yeah, but I forgot the artist. Holman. Oh. Okay. So. Between the two of us. What a team. I've got it. Three of us. We have it together. I still have that at home hanging on my wall. So I was given that. And then it was a strange feeling when I received that because it jogged a memory of this banner. It was the same picture. Wow. That hung on the procession. Wow. Over, you know, the processional walk that we did. I don't know which one it was, but I was very young.

[00:15:33] But I do remember looking at Jesus at that point and thinking, oh, I've got to go and see what this church was. And where, you know, how was I connected to it? Mm-hmm. Asking my mother. We went on that trip and we went to look for the house that we were. And we found out that that was all broken down and rebuilt. But the church in the neighborhood was still there. Mm-hmm. St. James' Church.

[00:16:00] And that day that my mother and I went to go and look for that church, I said, let's go to the door. And we were reading the hours of the services. And, well, it's not due. You know, it's like in the middle of the afternoon. And at that moment, somebody came who had the key to the door. Oh, wow. And he led us in and gave us a tour of the church. Because you were standing at the door knocking. Yeah, that's right. That's it. That's right. Yeah. I love that. Yeah.

[00:16:29] And my mother then proceeds to, I think, be stirred up in her memories as we walked into the church. She says, and this is the baptismal font where we baptized you. Wow. Oh, wow. What a gift to know that. I didn't even know I was baptized as a child. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So now. Wait, my question was, when did you end up in the U.S.? Oh. Oh. That's a story. We've got to get to the other part first. Oh, I'm jumping ahead. No, there's, yes. Okay. So your mom. There is a journey there. Yes.

[00:16:58] Let's get to the journey. Because the journey is where the story was on Friday. So the journey. Yes. Yeah. So you were a typical teen, English teen of the 50s. So you probably loved the Beatles. Yeah. Well, I was born in 57. Yeah. So then in the 60s. You definitely loved the Beatles. Yes. I loved the Beatles. Yes. And Elvis. Oh, wow. And the monkeys. Yes. Oh. So those were things.

[00:17:28] I used to come home running home to watch the show with my brother. And I also at that time loved horses. And when, so since my, my parents' business was getting, you know, really well, it was working out well for them. And they took advantage of buying a rundown bungalow on the outskirts of Manchester in Middleton area. And it was on the edge of a beautiful park.

[00:17:56] Used to be Lord Heaton, I think, that was, had a stately home on the, on that property. But then it became Heaton Park. So just on this little country lane, it seemed like a country lane that was separated from the city. It was seven homes. And this was a dilapidated rundown property. And my parents took it on to remodel it. And that's what they did. That was their specialty. Yes. So they turned it into a beautiful home.

[00:18:24] It was only a two bedroom, one bath bungalow with a living room and a dining room and a kitchen. So they built on an extra bedroom for my brother to have his own bedroom. And just up the top of the country lane was a little village called Semester. I think something like that. And there was a lot of, you know, country folk around with farms. There was a pig farm not too far away, which wasn't very pleasant when the wind blew.

[00:18:53] When the wind went right in your direction, yes. But they had horses. They had stables. And I used to go, you know, for very much part of my teen years, I would go almost every weekend, just take about a mile walk up the country lane, get on the horse, bring the horse back to my house, go back, riding back and, you know, just enjoy that as a pastime. I took up hockey.

[00:19:20] I was put into a girls' school and brought in high girls' school. Quite quintessential. Yeah, the girls had to wear the uniform of the girls. Yes. And then I think it was, I was doing quite well in my studies, but then the fighting and everything that got in the way and the drinking and then gambling got added to that. Oh, great.

[00:19:47] So it wasn't a happy home. I was getting, as I grew up, I was getting more rebellious. So I was still the shy girl that, you know, felt like I had a voice but didn't know how to use it because I was intimidated by my father. Sure. And you're so influenced by, at that age, your friends. Yes. Everyone you're around spending time with.

[00:20:15] And that was interesting because I felt like an outsider at school as well because I had this dirty little secret at home. Yeah. That was so unhappy that I was always protecting and never telling anybody about. So not only that, but my mother taught me how to pronounce my words better. So I was always being called a snob in my classroom because it didn't sound like I was from Manchester. Yeah.

[00:20:44] I didn't sound like a Mancunian. So here we, you know, I was in conflict in my teen years and I'm sure that's not new for most teenagers, right? They've got things they're processing. So to lead into that, though, I ran away from home at the age of 17, right? Did. Right after my brother went to university. I couldn't handle the focus just on me. Oh, right. It was split between my brother and I. Right.

[00:21:12] So I ran away and rented a room with a friend and found a job. Did your parents know where you were? My mother did. And I tried to keep it a secret from my father.

[00:21:32] So the next couple of years are probably not something I should share on the air because it was the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s. Right. And, you know, I was just like in with that crowd of rebellious people. But I knew I was super sad on the inside and very empty and growing more aware of a ruining of my character.

[00:22:00] Although I couldn't put it into words back then, I was sensing this like I was losing myself. Wow. I was having suicidal thoughts. Wow. I was drinking very heavily through 17 to the age of 19. Those two years were the worst for me. You know, it's interesting because we often turn into the person we resent the most. And you knew drinking was your father's problem. And yet that was the vice that you chose. Yeah.

[00:22:30] Even though you saw the damage. But it's almost like, you know, without the Lord, you're helpless. Right. And of course drugs were involved in that, you know. So it was everything to, I mean, which you were called up in your friends, what your friends were doing. But yeah, of course it was numbing your reality. So you didn't go on to college then at that point? No. No, I didn't. So that will come later in this story.

[00:22:56] Although my mother talked to me because she knew that, you know, here I was, runaway, 17, just taking any job that I could get. But I was living on a poverty line. You know, I was eating bread and butter and sugar for meals. Wow. And whatever else I could get. Wow. Spending my money on drink. Yeah. Oh, right. Right. So it was not a good thing. It was definitely very self-destructive. But my mother kept in touch.

[00:23:25] And she talked me into going to, it was like a course, a secretarial course. So she says, well, at least do something that you can get a better paying job. So I took a secretarial course and I learned how to type well and do dictation. And then I landed a job in a legal firm as secretary and then did some temp work and things. And I ended up moving back home at the age of 19.

[00:23:56] And your dad was still in the house, too. My dad was still in the house and there would be back and forth. And it was typical, I think, now I learn that, you know, this abusive situation is this love-hate relationship that goes on. You really love the person when they're in the good mode, when they're being kind and winning you back and showering you with flowers and chocolates.

[00:24:22] And then there's this bad side that you hope you would never see again. But it does come up. And then, but it's so short-lived that you think, oh, I can live with this. Or maybe I imagined it. Yeah. Or maybe it'll stop. Yeah. Trish, we're going to have to stop now because we are like at the, we're at the end of time. And there's so much more. Who knows how long this will be? Because I don't want to miss one iota of your story.

[00:24:50] And I don't think our listeners want to either. But everything that you've described so far is so typical of a lost girl in England. In fact, maybe that will be the name of your book, A Lost Girl in England. But I can't wait till we get to the part when the Lord finds you. And that will be in part two. So you'll want to come back. Thank you for listening to Women Worth Knowing with Cheryl Broderson and Robin Jones-Gunn.

[00:25:15] For more information on Cheryl, visit CherylBroderson.com or follow her on Instagram or Facebook. For more information on Robin, visit RobinGunn.com or follow her on Instagram or Facebook. Join us each week for a lively conversation as we explore the lives of well-known and not-so-well-known historical and contemporary Christian women. If you think there is a woman worth knowing, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at WWK at CCCM.com.

[00:25:44] We hope you've enjoyed today's episode. Make sure you rate us on your podcast app, subscribe, and share it with a friend. Thank you again for listening to Women Worth Knowing with Cheryl Broderson and Robin Jones-Gunn. Women Worth Knowing is a production of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa.