Trish Kulcsar Part 2

[00:00:04] Welcome to Women Worth Knowing, the radio program and podcast hosted by Cheryl Brodersen and Robin Jones Gunn. Welcome back, beautiful listeners. We have Trish Kulcar. Did I say it correctly? Kulchar. It takes you two years to practice. You've got to think of my son's name, Char. Oh, there we go. Kulchar. Trish. Think of if he's been bad to Santa, he gets coal. You're getting coal, Char.

[00:00:28] There you go. But there's nothing bad about Trish's story, and that's why we're excited to jump into Part 2. And when Trish was telling us that she grew up outside of Manchester, England, in a small village, and Cheryl and I both were kind of nodding our heads because we've both been there, and it's a dark place. Like, I see, so far in your story, we've got a lot to tell.

[00:00:55] Especially in the north, near Manchester, because Manchester is a very industrial town. Yes. So the industry does not allow for a lot of advancement socially. The oppression. The oppression. You just feel the oppression there. But where I have just gotten glimmers, and I'm eager, eager to hear how the Lord drew you to himself, because I really see, as it tells us in Romans, that it's his kindness that leads us to repentance.

[00:01:24] And there's such a—in all that you went through with your dad being drinking and aggressive in these moments, with his Scottish fervor, and your mom trying to help you out during the two years that you were—had run away from home, and there you are on your own, and just in a poverty level, and your mom's trying to get you moving forward.

[00:01:50] You went to a secretarial class, course, and then you moved back home, which had to be a brave thing to do. But even in that, I just see this, you know, the Holy Spirit is so beautiful. He nudges us, nudges us, and allows us to come to him with that sense that, oh, you really have been with me. You've always been there. You've always been there. I just haven't seen you. So tell us how you took those next steps moving home.

[00:02:21] Right. So, yes, coming back, I was invited. I think the way that I came back was I was invited to go on a vacation with my parents. They were going to the Isle of Man. And, you know, I was, let me say, 19, but something happened. One of my other memories that kind of scared me at this point where I said I felt I was losing myself and I was having suicidal thoughts.

[00:02:51] Well, there was—I was actually living with a guy at this point of my journey, of those two years. And I was renting a room from a friend of my father's. I know it sounds so bizarre, but I think it's the way— That's so typical. They kept their eyes on me as well. And so I was there.

[00:03:13] And I just remember somehow we were in a car and, oh, that reminds me. So this person that I was living with at the time, he was working for a car rental agency. And we got into the worst wreck coming back. And this had something to do with this experience later. So he had to go and pick up the car. It was a brand new car.

[00:03:43] So we traveled down to London. I think it was by train. And we picked up this brand new car and we were driving it back. And it was in the evening, but they had really thick fog that evening. And we ended up plowing into the back of a truck that had lost its rear lights. And literally, the back of the truck was inches from my head.

[00:04:09] It had come right through our windshield and the rear light was on my lap. Oh. And my foot was crushed in it. No. So my boyfriend, Danny, he was scarred up from the glass. And I didn't have one cut on my face. Wow. Which I thought was really amazing. I wasn't talking about miracles, right? I was just saying I was amazed at this.

[00:04:37] So a few short weeks after that. So I was 19. So a few short weeks after that, I had a panic attack. I'd never had this before. And I really felt like I was losing my mind in this panic attack. I just felt so terrified that I thought that I can't go on living like this. And that was the turning point where my parents invited me for vacation.

[00:05:07] And please come back and live with us. And so the Lord used all of that. Oh, yes. He does. Right? Although I didn't know it was the Lord at the time. Of course. Mm-hmm. So we went on vacation. And that's how I met my first husband to be. Mm-hmm. So we were in the Isle of Man. And it's actually when my name got changed. So I was called Pat up until this point. Oh, Patricia. Well, that's a surprise. Patricia.

[00:05:37] Like Patricia St. John? That's right. Patricia. So I was Patricia Karen Claire McConville. And I was called Pat to my friends. And I never liked it because my uncle called me Fat Pat. Oh, that's right. You've got to change that. Yes. Yes. You've got to change from rhyming with anything like that. Trish fits you well. Well, it was interesting because I did meet this guy on vacation. And he said, can I call you something else? Can I call you Trish?

[00:06:07] And that's how I got my name. So his name is Alex. And he was from Scotland. Oh, uh-oh. Like your dad. Yeah. Yeah. Like my dad. He had a Scottish accent. I don't know why I was attracted to that. But it was familiar. So anyway, there's a bit I'll cut out from that. We stayed in contact.

[00:06:30] And so when I then moved back to my parents' home, now I had this flourishing romance with somebody who lived 300 miles away, north of where I was living. And we ended up, you know, commuting back and forth. And he had an aunt and uncle in Newcastle. So we'd meet in the middle because that's like halfway point for both of us. So we'd meet in the middle.

[00:06:52] So at the age of 21, I offered, it was actually my birthday, a big birthday bash. My parents just loved to entertain. So in this, you know, one of the nicer homes of our family. You know, talking about my brother. Yeah, I just had the one brother. But my mom had a brother, a younger brother who was 16 years younger than her, who was more

[00:07:21] like a sibling to us. And then an older sister. So they were always around at the house and my, you know, grandparents were my mom. Great protection also for your mother. Yeah. Because your father couldn't be cruel when the whole family was there. It was protected too. Yeah. So on my 21st birthday, I was given the engagement ring. Oh. So I proposed to. So I got engaged on my 21st birthday.

[00:07:50] And then I ended up having this discussion with Alex, Alex Murdoch. And we arranged our life so that in a few months I would be moving in with him before we got married and go to live in Scotland. So it was near, between Edinburgh and Dundee is where we lived. So we had a little cottage up in the high area. I wouldn't say highlands because that's further north. Yes. Yeah.

[00:08:20] So it was a little mountain region near Edinburgh that we had a little cottage and I lived there. But unfortunately, his accent was not the only thing that replicated my father. And he had a very bad temper. He had been in the special air service.

[00:08:42] And so I knew, you know, he'd been called into violent actions through his training. And he, it was all wonderful at first with our beginning of our love life and, you know, relationship. It was just all so sweet. But then when you start to have conflicts, when you start to have arguments and then you start to be bullied.

[00:09:11] And then the striking started to begin. And so I was, again, holding another severe secret to myself. Right. But you married him anyway. I married him anyway. So that's the crazy thing. So it was led back and forth, back and forth, in and out of the relationship, escaping to England, being coming back and that kind of thing. So, so now fast forward.

[00:09:40] My father died suddenly at the age of 48 of a massive heart attack. No. While he was at home. So young. Yeah. So I was, and I was in, I'm maybe 22 at the time. So then I determined that I'm for, I'm for sure going to come back and live with my mother. I'm leaving Alex. Okay. Okay. So I, I schemed this plan, gave my notice. He didn't know. I was absolutely terrified of him.

[00:10:08] I was shaking the whole trip of 300 miles. I was shaking as I had a rental car driving back to England. And, you know, with the, leaving the dear John letter that, you know, please don't call me or write me or anything. Of course that lasted a few weeks and he shows up on the doorstep. Oh. Yeah. So he's back in, wins me back over. And then he's saying, let's get married. And I go for it. So we get married. And then he said, let's, let's immigrate to Australia.

[00:10:39] And I was the temp agency secretary. And I found, I don't know what came first, whether the idea of going to Australia came first or me working at the Australian consulate in Manchester came first. But he ended up having a job at the Australian consulate. My goodness. And I was, some secretarial work that I was doing. And I was able to fast forward a visa application and immigration applications.

[00:11:08] And so we had my brother's, my father's brother, my uncle and my aunt lived there near Sydney. So we moved there. On our way there, we went through Indonesia. And we just, you know, had this fantastic vacation. It was like a week before we landed in Australia. And we spent some time with my aunt and uncle. But Alex was sick.

[00:11:36] Now, flashback to a moment back in the hillside country of Kerkadi, Fife, when I was living with him and he started to get violent. Well, I remember one evening that I was so terrified of his behavior. I thought he was going to kill me. And I was just crying in the kitchen. As he was yelling from the bedroom.

[00:12:05] And I was crying, God, if you are real, I need to know you. I didn't know how to pray. I didn't even know that was a prayer. But I just said, I need your help. Please help me. And that next day, Alex got super sick with like stomach flu. Now, then I take you back on the journey back as we landed in Australia. He had the same symptoms.

[00:12:33] And this time, though, I was, you know, like, yeah, he helped me. Forgot about God. Forgot that, you know, could I attribute this to God? I didn't remember that until later. So then we were in Australia and we bought a mobile home. And he was still kind of struggling with this, which they thought was amoebic dysentery that he picked up in Indonesia. So the gastroenterologist was giving him all kinds of medicine.

[00:13:03] And it wasn't resolving any of the symptoms. So finally, he went for a CAT scan. And they discovered he had very aggressive cancer of the colon that had spread already to the bladder. So it was terminal. He just said, well, I can't have surgery. There's nothing. Let's just go back and be with my parents. So we traveled back. And he's 28 years old. Well, 27. Yeah.

[00:13:33] So, yeah, you're right. You're right. Because you said it on Friday. That's right. He said he was 28. Yeah. So, yeah. So he was 28, right? And is five years older than me. So we go back and he gets some radiation treatment, which is palliative from Edinburgh Hospital. And he, you know, he's weakened obviously by his condition. So when he's weakened, he's pleasant.

[00:14:00] When he feels his strength back, then he gets to be a bully, you know, yeah, the bully. And so the palliative radiation brought him back his strength temporarily. And in the meantime, my mother was always trying to, I think, rescue me. And my father had passed away. But she had married a couple of years later. She met somebody who his name is Paul.

[00:14:30] You met Paul. I did. So we agreed that they would visit us while we were in Australia. But everything was like changing so quickly that we moved back to Scotland and they were on the way to Australia. So the house was sat empty. And I said, I'm moving back to the house. I'm going to house sit for you. So then I left Alex in Scotland. These are a lot of changes.

[00:15:00] I was constantly on the move. For a young woman in her 20s. Yeah. It's, you know, each on that scale of how many things are traumatic. I felt like I was constantly running. Yes. I was running. And I was trying to escape. And protecting. And protecting. Yeah. And my mom, God bless her. I didn't learn later until I was saved that, you know, she was praying for me. She just didn't know how to help me. And it was having a huge effect on her.

[00:15:28] She didn't tell me that she was taking sedatives to sleep because of the angst that I was causing in her life. Oh, oh. So, yeah, she was brokenhearted through the whole thing. But so guarded and how she approached me with this constant love. So she's with the Lord. Mm-hmm. I'm so thankful for that. And you know what? Even though you call Esther angst, you got her praying. Yeah. And, you know, that might have been the very catalyst she needed to come to know the Lord. Could be. Mm-hmm.

[00:15:57] So now you've got your situation. Yeah. So now I'm in the house in England by myself. My mom and her stepdad, they're in Australia. His parents. So he comes to leave his parents, comes to Manchester. And, of course, you know, I'm welcoming him back in again. Yeah.

[00:16:22] And he has a sister who lives in the south of England. So I'm isolated, which is perfect for somebody who wants to keep control of you. Yes. Mm-hmm. So I'm isolated. Terrible things are happening. Mm-hmm. This threat of my life. Mm-hmm. But in the process, he started to get sick. Mm-hmm. So in this decline of his health, he was stripped of his strength.

[00:16:52] Mm-hmm. And I became, you know, kind of the one who would help him. Mm-hmm. But so the doctors involved, they were giving him morphine injections fairly frequently. Visiting doctors were coming to the house. And he was listening a lot to the radio. He was losing weight like crazy. So, you know, I could just see him fading away. And I started, I mean, just being home most of the time, baking bread at home.

[00:17:21] My neighbors were supplying me with Reader's Digest books, like stacks of books. All I could do to spend my time was read. Mm-hmm. And then I was reading this Reader's Digest stories about God. I'm like, what? Does God even exist? That's amazing. So it started to make me think, does God exist? And then I remembered I had an old school Bible. I had four years of religious education in my high school, girl school.

[00:18:01] Mm-hmm. And I'm turning to the back of the book because I thought that's where all the answers are. I want the conclusion really quickly. The teacher's guide could have all the answers in the back. And I'm finding myself in the book Revelation. Mm-hmm. And I'm reading Revelation. Oh, I bet I know where this is going. Yes. And I'm selling, and a very popular movie at that time was Armageddon. And I'm going, Armageddon? It's here. This is where it is. Mm-hmm. And the pearly gates. Mm-hmm.

[00:18:31] Wow. And here's a description of heaven. And I'm amazed at the terminology that we had in our English language was from this book. Mm-hmm. And it started to intrigue me that there's some truth to God then. But I'd mentioned God before to Alex years ago, and he told me to never mention the name of Jesus. Mm-hmm. That I had a choice. Mm-hmm.

[00:18:57] And if I was going to become religious, I had to leave now because he wasn't anything to do, didn't want anything to do with that. So he called himself an atheist. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So, but in his weakened state, I would say, you know, I'm reading the Bible. And he goes, okay, that's fine for you. And he accepted it. Mm-hmm. And I said, but you know, there's gates made of pearl. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[00:19:24] And he's, I'm getting him intrigued, I think, by just a couple of things that I'm saying. So he heard on the radio that you could be getting hospice care. And he said, we need to call the doctor and have him request hospice because this can't go on and I need help. I need pain management. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[00:20:14] He's telling me what to say. He says, I'll give you the clue, you know, when I need to go to the restroom, that's your clue to see him to the door. So I'll be like within a couple of minutes, he was telling me. Mm-hmm. So it was all preplanned that we were going to kick the chaplain out the door. But he came, I opened the door. Alex was almost bedridden at this point.

[00:20:37] So when I opened the door, I'm like baffled by this man who's maybe a couple of years older wearing a cable knit sweater and with a beautiful smile, very friendly. Hi, I'm Chris. Didn't say I'm Reverend this or that. I'm Chris. And, oh, okay. Well, yeah. I'm the chaplain for hospice. I'd like to see, you know, if I can visit you and Alex.

[00:21:05] So we invited him in. Alex never gave his excuse or his cue for me. And we had this beautiful visit and we heard, it seemed like it fell on our ears for the first time, that Jesus was the Son of God and he had the power to save us and take us to heaven. And we could see those pearly gates. Amen. I just love this.

[00:21:34] Yeah, past the tissues. That noise you heard was the marks of tissues coming my direction. Because, again, it's the kindness of the Lord. And to have the chaplain selected for you that day, being someone who came in with that gentle, let me tell you the truth. Right. And it was right there. And you'd been exposed, but all the pieces coming together. Right. And just the Lord knowing exactly the type of person to send and the approachableness of his message.

[00:22:04] Well, we didn't like it wasn't at that moment where we were just saying, oh, yeah, that's that's the Jesus that I know. So we both had questions and we were very concerned about just jumping into decisions about what we'd heard. So he left us a pamphlet and he says, can I come back next week and talk to you some more? And we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, do that. But he says, well, take a look at this pamphlet. And there is a prayer at the back.

[00:22:31] If you feel you want to pray that prayer. And so that's how he left. Well, secretly, again, I was a little intimidated about how Alex would receive it, but I know what I needed at this point. And I secretly read that little pamphlet and I prayed that prayer. I love it. What a pattern in your life. Like I have to keep so many things in my secret so it feels normal. Yeah, because out of the threat. Huge decision.

[00:23:01] Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So then we had the next visit the following week. And Chris asks us, so, you know, did you have a chance to read this little pamphlet? I was shocked. Alec goes, yes. And I'm, yes. And did you pray? He's, yes. Oh, my goodness. We kept it a secret the whole week. And then Chris says, well, let me tell you what you have done. Wow. Yeah. Come and kneel next to the bed, Trish.

[00:23:29] And let us pray together because you've invited Jesus into your life. And now you are what we call born of the spirit. You have a spiritual life. It's brought you a new life. Everything of the past is washed away. Wow. And he reassured us in the cleansing work of Jesus that all of our sins are washed away. So beautiful. And we were able to forgive one another. We cried.

[00:23:59] We both were in tears. But we felt this washing and cleansing work of Jesus that led for the next seven months an amazing renewal for Alex. Alex. So we have to just put a pause right there. It's so beautiful, Trisha. We want to hear the rest. But what a moment of glory that just really when heavens open up and there you see the hand of God.

[00:24:29] And even a chance to see Alex as it changed. Well, right. The transformation for the next seven months. But there's so much more to Trish's story that we've got to do part three. Yes, we do. And I happen to know a little bit about the part three and just the way the Lord's going to begin to work. And I really want to get to the ministry that she has presently and the ministry that the Lord led her into. So, again, there is so much worth knowing about Trish.

[00:24:57] So join us next week for part three of Trish Kulchar. Thank you for listening to Women Worth Knowing with Cheryl Broderson and Robin Jones-Gunn. For more information on Cheryl, visit CherylBroderson.com or follow her on Instagram or Facebook. For more information on Robin, visit RobinGunn.com or follow her on Instagram or Facebook.

[00:25:26] Join us each week for a lively conversation as we explore the lives of well-known and not so well-known historical and contemporary Christian women. If you think there is a woman worth knowing, we'd love to hear from you. Email us at WWK at CCCM.com. We hope you've enjoyed today's episode. Make sure you rate us on your podcast app, subscribe, and share it with a friend. Thank you again for listening to Women Worth Knowing with Cheryl Broderson and Robin Jones-Gunn.

[00:25:55] Women Worth Knowing is a production of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa.